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Bad Boy Brian

By: David Peasgood
Date: 18/07/2000

The Ballad Of Bad Boy Brian

Originally in Sing When We're Fishing

A Man Called Brian

A man drove in from Nottingham,
in his 'merc' like the overpaid do.
They say that he was six foot six,
or could it have been five foot two?

He was Brian the dreaded Barbarian,
often embroiled in a public kerfuffle.
He'd run 80 yards just to belt you,
if you gave his hair a ruffle.

His early days were tumultuous,
as recorded by poet and bard.
He served time under Cloughie his namesake,
so everyone knew he was hard.

And yet not till he came up to Grimsby,
could he out his skills to the test.
He had his ideas on running a team,
And was damned sure he knew what was best.

He started with Town's most loved player,
Futchenstein the great.
Said Brian "Your ego is bigger than mine,
so on yer bike... mate."

We wanted 'PR' so we got it,
on Radio Humberside.
He said he was looking at houses in town,
But that idea soon died.

He said "I can manage from Nottingham,
It's easier to get to more clubs."
But the cat was away and the mice did play,
half the team spent their time in the pubs.

We hit early form and went second,
beat West Ham 3-0 in the cup.
To some folk our Bri was a hero,
and you couldn't shut him up.

We took a downturn, don't we often,
sixteen games without a win.
Brian put it all down to bad luck,
Never thought that it might just be him.

"Crichton was rubbish and lost us the game"
a typical Brian-type saying.
He publically bollocked most of the team,
then couldn't see why they weren't playing.

Actually some players were praised,
whether they played bad or lame.
Players HE'D brought, like Vance Warner,
(who gave away four in the Sunderland game.)

His tactics were really surprising,
we'd play crap and let in say four.
So Brian would send out the same team next time,
no surprise then, we'd let in four more.

Good reserves they were left on the benches,
as he played himself and hence.
He'd be out of position as Town let one in,
having forgotten that he was in defence.

Of course there was Mr Bonetti,
our Brian did not like the lad.
He was better at soccer, more famous,
it must have driven Bri mad.

No wonder then, that he hit him,
and busted his face in a rage.
He'll say that he had his own reasons,
but the whole thing's a total outrage.

Bri should have been sacked that evening,
dismissed, not even given some fine.
But when talking about GTFC's board,
words 'Up, Piss and Brewery' came to mind.

We've not heard the last of Bonetti,
he'll haunt Bri for some time yet,
As will the FA though with Kelly in charge,
they'll just slap his wrist and forget.

So what behoves Town for this season to come?
promotion as ever the aim.
But if Brian's still there we've got no chance,
do the players feel the same?

Still if Bri takes us down to the second,
the board won't need consoling.
With no new ground required, there's spare money,
so keep the free gin bottles rolling.

Give Brian a few grand bonus,
to boost his bulging pay.
Cos if we can get to division three,
at least Ramsden will stay out of the way.

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