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Mighty Mariner Week 3

By: The Mighty Mariner
Date: 05/09/2000

Town's game at Wimbledon was called off at the weekend, but the club's mascot, the Mighty Mariner, has a never ending job! He was kept occupied with some adjustments to his new outfit, and had a few problems with the tax office trying to explain to them his unusual situation!

The Mighty Mariner's Weekly Diary

Tues 29th AugTowns Wimbledon game is off, but we play Crewe tonight, away. Listened on Radio Humb's. Our 0-2 defeat sounded strangely normal and by all accounts our lack of strength, height and pace up front was the problem. Lennies first game. Wonder what he's learnt. Tomorrow I'm having a fitting for a new bottom half for the Mariner suit. That kid was right about the height of the last mighty mariner, and if I get 6 inches taken out the legs I'll look a bit less like Nora Batty with me wrinkled skin nice and tight again.
Weds 30thSo that's how they do it eh!! Today an attractive lady from the Grimsby College of tech came down to the ground to amend my outfit. No needles or threads, just a sharp craft knife and some fancy rubber epoxy glue stuff and before you knew it I was as good as new. She said "I bet all that extra latex in the groin area made you sweat a bit" I wished I'd met here a fortnight ago.
Thurs 31stPayday. Yippee. I've made sixty quid this month from my secret exploits. (thinks!… hey I wonder what I do about tax? Do I declare this lot or not?)
Fri 1stPhoned the tax office and told the lady I dress up in latex every other weekend and parade in front of five thousand people for which my employer gives me twenty quid. She said I should get out more and hung up. Phoned back and told her it was true but said a secrecy agreement meant I had to with-hold my identity. She hung up. Phoned again and told her not to hang up, that this might sound funny to her, but she wasn't the one that got inflamation of the testicles from the sweat. She said if I called back she'd contact the police and then she hung up. Guess I'll not declare my tax then, but at least, dear diary, you can verify I tried..
Sat 2ndBoring day today. No footie hardly anywhere. Saw AB on Sky TV. Funny how he can talk the hind legs off a donkey and come over as Mr. Charisma on television when he needs a job but he wouldn't speak to the media when he had a job. Walsall have won five out of five. He went on about them more than he did about town except for a dig about Jack Lester which Bri Huxford phoned in to rebuff.
Sun 3rdThinking today, maybe I should ask the club to bring back 'mini mariner' and add a touch more p'zazz to the act. Phoned club to ask and they said we couldn't afford another suit cos they cost a grand each. Blimey! I see their point. If I had a spare grand I'd put it in the new striker fund.
Mon 4thJust been reading about the new european plans for soccer transfers. If Fred and Bert on the fishcake are right, then my transfer/compensation package would be twenty quid times twenty two games times two years, which is £880. Hey I'm practically a star.

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