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Cod Widow's Diary Week 13

By: Chez Osborne
Date: 17/12/2000

Long-suffering Chez Osborne, wife of Nick, tells the tale of the week she has had to endure as a Cod Widow. Times can be hard and Nick stretches her patience to the full on occasions as his priorities in life differ widely from her expectations of them!

Mon 11th Dec

Slow start to the day.Sadman hasnt got over his operation yet.What operation? I hear you ask,his 'Lossofcoatoptomy' operation of course. It hasnt damaged his fingers though, the sad little twat has spent nearly all day on the PC.

I think he's been having withdrawl symptons, loss of coat, dressing smart 2 days running, Town losing (again, yawn). I could go on but I won't, though I should because its all he does, go on and on and on and on and on, all about Town stuff. Getting a bit bored of him now, think I'll mention Xmas shopping,that will shut him up.

Tues 12th

Poor poor poor sadman twat face. He's in a right mood. He's on nights and his boss is giving him long shifts. He must have forgotten that work lasts a full shift, he thinks it last ninety minutes.

Nicko by day, Gere by Night To make it worse I mentioned the shopping thing.I am unable to print his reply because I didn't know there were that many swear words in one sentence. Thankfully the girls are at school and didn't have to hear it, mind you, they also didn't witness the sad little man whimpering in the corner when i told him it's no Richard Gere if we dont go shopping. Hehehehe,amazing what a little blackmailing can achieve.

Wed 13th

Yep, you guessed it. It's matchday and standing orders apply. Hang on a mo, sadman's at work. Yessssssssssssss, we can make as much noise as we like. The neighbours think we have gone mad, whooping and cheering and hollering. It's the first time we have been able to breathe on a matchday.

Anyway, sad twat phones up and wants the phone putting near the radio. He must have been having withdrawl symptons again because me and the girls went shopping, hehehehehe.

He managed to get hold of us with about 15 mins to go, after spluttering his wrath down the phone I put it next to the radio and leave it there till the end of the game, hey I'm that good to him I even left it for ten mins after the game for him to listen to the post match stuff.

What I didnt know, and this is the best part, he got cut off after ten seconds of phoning me, hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Sadman sees red I could imagine him going bright red with rage,he couldnt even phone me cos it was engaged, hahhahaha. I still think it was dead funny, though sad twat doesn't.

Apparently he was going through Thetford Forest at the time (what he was doing in there doesnt bare thinking about....snigger). Funny place to be for a tanker driver, but hey, we all have our errrr......things, don't we? He reckons he was on his way to Ipswich but you lot can think what you like. Though I did wonder where his sudden liking for venison came from, hehehe.

SWIN, sorry about mentioning Ipswich, please feel free to whip me, I mean tell me off when we meet next in chat.

Thurs 14th

Nothing doing, Nicko is tired so has a quiet day. Bless the poor little sad twat, does he think he's the only one who gets tired?

Fri 15th Dec

He just got up, finished nights he has. I nearly threw up, a pretty site first thing he ain't. Unlike me, who is always at my best. Don't bother to answer that, I can be very vindictive.

Off shopping now, it's too stressful being in the same room as sadman. Just the mention of shopping and he comes over all funny like. Be different if it was shopping for footie stuff.

Sat, Matchday. Home to Norwich.

Nicko isn't feeling too well, over did it last night with the vodka I think. Serves the sad git right I say. Anyway, it's muggins here who has to do the running about. Work,shopping, sad man to the Rutland, kids to get rid of. Off out for dinner later.

Busy day all round for me and bugger all for sad twat to do. I am coming back as a man that's a fact.

Not sure what sort of mood he's in, we have to get ready to go out and I haven't really got the time to listen to him droning on about a game that finished ages ago.

The score was errrrrrr...........2 skirts 3 dresses 4 bottles of red and a pic of RG. Oooops,sorry you want the match result? Tough, read the fishy like everyone else has to.

Cya, Chez.

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