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Cod Widow's Diary Week 22
By: Chez Osborne
MON 26th FEB. Phew. What a week, after last week's singing and dancing routine it's now time for The Samaritans to take over. Sadman goes barmy (they took the lead against Forest) then they go and lose. I try all I can but I just can't console the soft git.
He cleared off to work one very miserable chappie. Even the promise of a visit from RG when he gets home didn't help. Christ, it must be serious. Either that or he really is getting sadder.
Tues 27th Feb. Things have got worse, after all the trouble reported about the stewards at Forest he now thinks he should have been at the match. And what would you have done then saddo? Stopped all the trouble? He said no, but he would have smacked the one who picked on the kids straight on the nose. I told him that wouldn't solve anything and he just said so what, it would have made me feel better. (Something must be bothering him, he normally detests violence).
Thurs 1st March. Pinch punch 1st of the month, or so they say. It's a little bit different in our house. I had to pinch him then punch him.The reason? Well RG made a visit last night and that twat nearly called me 'Livvo' he swears it was 'Luvvie' but you can't be too careful. Anyway, a good old fashioned clip round the ear for sadtwat won't do him any harm.
Fri 2nd March. I finally found out what's been bothering him. Unfortunately I can't tell you what it is till next week, sorry. (Hope I don't forget to tell you)
Sat 3rd March. Last night was brilliant, we had to do a 'house removal' for someone we know (I most definitely can't tell you who it is) it was dead funny. We got a locksmith to break into this house so we could clear it out, when the police came Nicko told this young pc (he could only have been about 15) "don't worry mate, we do this all the time, now if you wouldn't mind could you give me a lift with this fridge freezer?"
The poor copper's face was ace to see, he never had a clue what to do so he called for 'back up' then gave sadman a lift. It really was funny. I felt sorry for this copper, he was in over his head the poor thing.
The locksmith was good too, we (2 females) told him we had locked ourselves out, as soon as he got the doors open Nicko and a couple of his mates stormed in and started emptying the place. God knows what he was thinking, he just took his money and ran. He couldn't wait to get out of the place.
Not the 'usual' sort of stuff I write about but it was dead funny. I suppose you had to be there to see it, but believe me, it was well worth it. This story is a lot longer but I don't have the time to tell it all. After the way saddo conned the plod I hope I never upset him too much. God knows how he got away with it, even the plod left us in a state of bewilderment.(If you're moving house, use Pickfords, Nicko's removals are far too dodgy,heheehe)
Before I go I just want to welcome a new reader to the diary. Hello Trevor 'R'. (and probably Sue as well). You know who you are and Nicko says he will see you Sunday night.
Its that "I wish I hadn't said that" moment:
I went to Old Trafford a few years ago with Nicko's brother and his wife (they lost to Chelsea), anyway, sadman was talking about Man City and how they play at Maine Road. I butted in and said Man Utd play at Maine Road, he said they never and I said they did, and I should know because I've been there. We parked the car and walked straight to the ground, and there it was, right on the MAIN ROAD......DOH!
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