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Christmas at Blundell Park

By: Dan Humphrey
Date: 21/12/2001

WHAT do you buy a Grimsby Town footballer for Yuletide? Dan wonders what the Town players at getting for Christmas, and comes up with some suggestions for Santa!

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KEEPERS:

  • Coyne: permission from FIFA to play for any country he wants, since Mark Hughes does not realise he is the best Welsh keeper.

  • Croudson: some books to read while he is on the bench

  • Ermes: a loan spell to a Div 3 side to give him experience

    DEFENDERS:

  • Macca: anything that gets him fit and keeps him fit for the rest of his career. Lessons from Tony Ford; how to play football into your 40s.

  • Gallimore: a right-foot

  • Broomes: a contract, a house in Lincolnshire, an A-Z of the area, anything that will keep him here... [Ed - oh dear! I guess he's missed his prezzie]

  • Groves and Neilson: some confidence and some goals please

  • Raven: lessons from Broomes in bringing the ball out of defence

  • Ward and Morgan: perhaps Lennie could put these guys on the bench now and again to keep other squad members on their toes

  • Butterfield: sessions at the gym to improve his slim build, and a note from his mum exempting him from right wing duties.

  • Chapman: a grow-bag, and extended contract.

    MIDFIELDERS:

  • Campbell: a note from his mum; Stuart is not a left winger. Plus more goals please.

  • Pouton, Willems, Coldicott: Shooting practice. Maybe give Pouton the vice-captaincy? I bet someone buys these lads David Batty’s autobiography for Christmas....

  • Burnett: What has happened to Wayne? Injuries, loss of form, very inconsistent. Obviously Wayne has far too much hair to play in our young midfield, so his gift is a Pouton-style skinhead.

  • Boulding: a longer contract, and if we are being very greedy, a little more pace!!

  • D Smith: a road map, with the route to Sincil Bank clearly marked. Sorry Dave, you've served the club well, but...

  • Busscher: Erm, a press conference to announce how to spell and pronounce his name, Brusscher, Busscher, Bruscher ??? and so we know what he looks like..

  • Livvo: First Aid kit!

  • Allen: er... A time machine to make him younger and faster

  • Jevons: perhaps some of Boulding’s pace. And a bit more consistency – one game he’s great, next he’s anonymous.. He also seems a bit littleweight, so he can go to the gym with Danny B.

  • Rowan: a well-deserved rest, followed by a new role as a super-sub.

  • C Thompson: a regular place in the first team squad.

  • Jeffrey: see D Smith, except maybe Glanford Park instead. Time to put faith in the youngsters...

    Finally, Lennie Lawrence’s present: A few million pounds from a generous lottery-winner. I bet Lennie would not be too upset if the Board bought him Beharall, Croft, Mendonca, Broomes and Oster for Christmas. I suspect its more likely that the Mariners will win the FA Cup this year....


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