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Question of the Week
How much would you accept for Omar Bogle?
18/10 Colchester Part 2
By: Tony Butcher
ANDERSON was quite chipper during the first half, with Gilbertain dribbles and pinging cross field passes. The interplay between him and Barnard was lovely to behold, being several notches above the unpalatable gruel served up elsewhere.
Grimsby Town 2 Colchester United 0
His lips moved and we could see what he was saying. He demanded Botox treatment? A couple of minutes later an Anderson dinker from the left sailed through the penalty area to Onuora, about six yards out at the far post. Onoura dunked his head like a donut and the ball grazed his shiny pate, slipping a yard wide of the left hand post. Heâ€™d have been better off standing still and closing his eyes, which is the usual Town strikerâ€™s way. Hasnâ€™t he received any coaching?
Roll on half time, please. Some people have trains to catch. After about 40 minutes a throw in under the Stones/Smiths/Findus stand was knocked back to Barnard who then hit a flat, dipping, curling cross beyond the far post. The goalkeeper flapped and the ball flopped off ONUORAâ€™s head and apologised as it crawled into the empty net. Onoura was two or three yards beyond the post, and only a yard or so out, so we must at least congratulate him on the aim. A couple of minutes later Ford limped off, being replaced by Crowe, who played at centre half. Are Town determined to recreate seaside summer acts of yore? A few weeks ago we had the Chuckle Brothers, now it was Little and Large, with Sid Crowe and Eddie Crane, the birds of a feather in the heart of defence.
That was the first half really, unless you want the details of men falling over, or Boulding looking up and deliberately crossing 20 yards above and behind the nearest Town player, or a series of descriptions of Colchester players kicking the ball out of play. The theory emerged that they were mistaking the stewards for team-mates. Or that they were useless. How charitable do you feel? Brown was the worst culprit, a man with seemingly no ability to kick a football, he almost passed to Boulding when fly kicking, and regularly found that Lever Spot in the Lower Smiths/Stones/Findus, about 30 yards out, two rows back. Oh, and of course there was the handball that the referee ignored, when a cross from the Town left drifted over a central defender and rolled down Myersâ€™ right arm. But why should we expect the referee to penalise handball, heâ€™d held his telescope to his eyepatch throughout the half. The Colchester fans had demanded a penalty just after Edwardsâ€™ injury when Andrews was clamped by Davison and Crane (or possibly Barnard), when briefly unmarked and about to shoot just 6 yards out.
Half time: Grimsby Town 1 Colchester United 0
The half ended with Onuora sliding across and blocking a clearance, taking a huge chunk of turf with him. He got up and carefully replaced this divot, to a huge round of applause. There will always be a job for you at Blundell Park, Groundskeeper Iffy.
Thank heavens for half time, a dreary, dull match enlivened by the effervescent Pontoon and a moment that will go down in history - Iffy McOnuoraâ€™s last goal in professional football. But the points were in the bag already. No matter how bad Town had been, Colchester sank further into the depths of footballing impotence. The top moment was surely when Brown threw the ball out to Vine, who nutmegged himself and allowed the ball to go straight out of play for a Town throw in about 25 yards out.
Stu's Half Time Toilet Talk
"Your pastryâ€™s flaking all over me".
The report continues in the Second Half.
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