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18/10 Colchester 2nd Half

By: Tony Butcher
Date: 19/10/2003

NEITHER team made any changes at half time. The game kicked off and we hardly noticed, so engrossed were the crowd in their various own things.

Home > 2003-2004 Season > Reports > Colchester (h)

Grimsby Town 2 Colchester United 0
18 Oct 2003, Nationwide League Division 2

There really was no tension at all in the ground, for the opposition were plain feeble, which was fortunate for Town, given that they were striving towards adequacy.

Campbell hit a couple of crosses which went in the vicinity of Onuora, Boulding fell over, Colchester got over the half way line once. It gradually dawned on the Town players that they didn’t actually need to pass to a team mate, for our orange opponents were quite content to play one-two’s with the striped masses, especially around their own penalty area. Ooh, spoke to soon, here they come, walking down the street, they get the funniest looks from everyone they meet. It’s Duguid, who didn’t do good. A Colchester break saw the aforementioned right winger cut inside and bend a shot way beyond the far post, with Davison hardly even bothering to stay awake. Back up the other end missus, as Boulding chased down a back pass. Brown, who was surely in the Sudan with Kitchener, did panic, and hit the ball against Boulding. The ball rebounded over Brown and just high and wide.

Ah, at last, some passing and movement from Town. Dinking down the left with Anderson, Barnard, Onuora and finally Campbell surging through the middle, with just one defender left. Campbell knocked the ball out to Boulding, on the right edge of the penalty area, who steered a curling shot wide and high, the ball slapping against the "a" in the Ramsden’s sign. Ooh, they’re back again. A Colchester corner, taken from their right, was swung in to the middle of the gaol. Stockley, about 10 yards out, was totally unmarked, and totally failed, softly nodding a header back to Davison, who didn’t even have to move. I am sure it looked dangerous 100 yards away. It wasn’t. Now this was. Andrews chased a long ball down their right, bumping Crowe away using his mammoth hips. The referee let play go on and Davison had to rush off his line a pluck the ball off the striker’s big toe, thus saving the referee from an outpouring of traditional Grimsby angst, which we use to flavour fish.

Crowe, not said much about Crowe so far. Very interesting performance, by far his best in black and white stripes. Assisted by the inability of Colchester to have any concerted attacking, his pace allowed him to clear up the mess of others. The game was drifting so, so slowly, with even more stoppages. C’mon, get on with it. Ah, a substitution, after 70 minutes. Anderson, who looked very tired, was replaced by the Cas-anooga Choo Choo. Campbell was immediately sent to the left, allowing Cas free reign to roast a couple of chestnuts on an open fire. And he did, not bothering with defending he played as an out and out right winger. Now the chances did flow. Town broke down the left and the ball was played up to Onuora, in the middle right on the edge of the penalty area. He flicked the ball on to Cas, who zoomed to his right, looked the goalie in the eyes and completely miss hit his shot, dragging it across the face of goal. Brown decided against casually strolling over to gather this bumbling bombling excuse, and folded like a banker’s box, scruffling the ball aside for a corner as Boulding lurked. He caught the corner, which was nice for him.

Caretaker Daws, as he had done all afternoon, calmly swept up a loose ball around the edge of the Town box and sent Cas on his merry way. Cas received the ball near the half way line, turned, knocked the ball past the full back and you know the rest. He bazoomed up the wing leaving orange peel in his wake, cut inside a stray defender and, from the edge of the area, smacked a left foot shot which the goalkeeper spectacularly parried aside.

Craneyellow card


Ford27 mins
Crowe45 mins
Cas70 mins


Phil Joslin


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A couple of minutes later Boulding twisted and turned down the right touchline, before cutting in and dribbling a mis-hit shot straight at Brown. they didn’t. Onuora amazed all by receiving a pass with his back to goal, controlling the ball, turning and delicately lifting a flick over and through the defence. Boulding raced clear and, just inside the penalty on the centre left, thwacked a half volley goalwards. Brown parried the ball away at head height.

Colchester brought on a lanky string of beans, Halford, who looked a decent footballer, one of those awkward ball-tied-to-a-piece-of-string merchants. He briefly threatened to poop the emerging party when Town fell asleep, as Colchester attacked down their left. Halford snuck up unmarked on the right and was for the merest of seconds bearing down on gaol inside the penalty area. Barnard lumbered across, Halford cut inside, the ball was crossed, the moment was gone. No, their moment was gone, for Cas thwacked the cross away downfield where Onuora controlled the ball inside the centre circle. He held off a couple of defenders and poked a pass upfield to Boulding, who did what he’s paid to do - run quickly. Two defenders pursued him, he cut back to his right foot and, from around the edge of the penalty area on the centre left, hit a firm drive goalwards. Brown sank to his knees waved his arms as if guiding a helicopter to land, and the ball seemed to go through his legs, possibly deflected. In other words, BOULDING had finally scored again, with about five minutes left.

Colchester decided to use up the remaining minutes by entertaining us, the paying public. They should have scored when a cross from their right floated gently on the breeze. Crane decided to play musical statues and McDermott ambled across to cover. Vine, about 6 yards out and in the centre, stooped and glanced an extremely tame header straight at Davison who, yet again, didn’t have to move a mighty muscle. McDermott sliced a clearance over the bar from the middle of the area, wandering back to the post with a knowing smile. Is that a hint of a moustache we see upon thy face? That’s an accusation not a question, by the way. But the biggest end of the pier laughter was reserved until last. Cas daftly barged over a striker in the middle, right on the edge of the penalty area. The referee took an age to get the wall back the requisite 12.1 yards, as Cas argued about the metric/imperial conversion rate. Two bright, bobbing, fizzy oranginas stood over the ball, whilst another prepared to run up and smack it. The runner was a dummy, for they had a plan, a plan so cunning you could build a three bedroom (one en-suite) detached bungalow on its foundations. Ah, they forgot to get planning permission. The dummy dummied, the stooge stooged, Izzet rolled the ball between his legs to his left for.... well, there was the flaw in the plan. For Daws. No Colchester player was within the territorial fishing zone of the ball. At least they left us with a smile on our face and a song in our heart as we serenaded their embarrassment. They were lost in their own maze. I am sure that when you buy the highlights video it will be speeded up, layered in monochrome and have some jaunty music played over the top. I suggest the theme to Pot Black.

If you ignore the first five minutes, then this was a bit of a stroll. The crowd picked up on it and decided to have a sing song and enjoy themselves, despite what was going on out on the pitch. This seemed to rouse the players a little and a little was all they needed to win. Only Chesterfield have been worse so far at Blundell Park. Town were nowhere near as good, with the game being a huffle and puffle affair in midfield. Hamilton had a very odd game, making two or three excellent defence splitting passes, but never seeming to have the ball under control. And I mean that in a very big way, for his touch was akin to a constipated polar bear, and don’t we know all about them. Cas got into the mood, being both dangerous and daft, possibly the only Town player who could have got into the Colchester team, for only some of his passes stayed inside Blundell Park. Boulding seemed to make the strangest blindside runs. From being unmarked, he dashed 20 yards to be marked. Stand still laddie! The most worrying aspect was the continuing Macca turmoil. He made two or three under hit or miss hit clearances which went to straight to the opposition. Are his powers finally starting to wane, the beginning of the start of the road to retirement? His positioning was spot on, his determination as driven as ever, but his legs, at the end of the game, seem to lose power. It isn’t terminal, but something to keep an eye on.

So, in its own way a mildly diverting afternoon, perversely enjoyable, and a very good atmosphere created by the crowd. Being at Blundell Park was fun despite the football. Now that’s over, next!

Nicko’s Man of the Match

Who could it be? Crowe had a super 50 minute cameo, but overall there are just two candidates. In the red corner Barnard, the Wokingham wanderer. A cut above with his internationalist leanings and proddings. In the redder corner we have Daws, the Rotherham rover. Have you noticed how he has migrated from Nicky to Nick, giving him the gravitas one would expect with age and wisdom? After at least a second’s thought the answer must be Nick Daws, for getting his mop and bucket out to clean away all those little messes the kids keep making.

Official Warning

P Joslin. Not very impressive, despite there being nothing to decide. A lot of small inconsistencies, and his linesman had to make some pretty obvious decisions for him. In other words, a hesitant unreliable witness. Strike his testimony from the record. A reluctant 5.2805 in this arbitrary scoring system, using an imaginary slide rule.

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