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27/03 Chesterfield Part 2

By: Tony Butcher
Date: 28/03/2004

YOU know, there aren’t many lights on the floodlights. Just eight on each. Perhaps they sell them off one by one when trading gets sticky. Hey there’s an idea for Town’s website once they’ve sold off all the old crockery: the family silver has long gone.

Home > 2003-2004 Season > Reports > Chesterfield (a)


Chesterfield 4 Grimsby Town 4
27 Mar 2004, Nationwide League Division 2

A-C kept missing the ball or controlling it out of play. Rankin ran around muscularly, and Anderson kept jumping very high. Did he have ants in his pants? No, the ball was always up where it doesn’t belong, sailing towards the stately homes of England that line the far away Derwent Valley. After 19 minutes Chesterfield got a free kick about 30 yards out, in the centre. One of the fuller backs waddled up and dinked the ball straight over the wall. HURST ran across from their left, twisted, flicked his floppy hair and, from about 10 yards out, diverted the ball by about 20 degrees, just enough to wrong foot Fettis who had scrambled over to the foot of his left post. First shot, first goal and a silly schoolboy trick too. If proper fans don’t set conditions for their support, then proper footballers don’t concede goals like that.

Town did seem to respond by running around a bit more and even got around to passing to each other, which is nice. They did this by avoiding Armstrong, who spent the first part of the game whacking the ball down the left touchline for a variety of throw ins and goal kicks to the blue collar bruisers. If Chesterfield were basic, then Town were basically rubbish. At least the opposition had a method, a game plan, we could see what they were trying to do. What was that? Did I miss something? Was that really Madame Curie flicking a deft little header a few feet wide of the far post? Yes it was. Someone crossed form the right, Barnard headed back across goal and A-C Gallicly shrugged the ball aside and a-wide.

Chesterfield had another effort, which probably looked close to those sat in the seats. It wasn’t, it was always going wide. A free kick 25 yards out on the centre right, curled over the wall and hitting the green pole that held the net up. Fettis had a little trot over, just for something to do. Around the same time Reeves headed into the side netting from a very narrow angle on their right. Again only those terminally deranged, or in the Press Box, would have been concerned.

Was that a passing move? It was! One two, buckle my shoe. Coldicott, Anderson and Rankin the flickering flames, the dying embers of old Town style, finagling a slick one touch flick and tricking interchange down the right. But the Frenchman miss-controlled the ball on the edge of the area. Quelle surprise. A couple of minutes later Town raided down the left with Rankin racing away and knocking the ball down the line to Antoine-Curier. The ball ricocheted back to Rankin, who took a couple of strides forward and slashed a shot over the bar from just outside the penalty area. Some Town fans permitted themselves a little "oooh", just for old time sake. You know, to keep their hand in, we don’t want to get too rusty at this excitement and celebration lark, do we. With about 10 minutes left to half time Town got a free kick way out in the centre. Barnard tapped it to Anderson, who dinked, jinked, and winked his way past one, then two defenders. ANDERSON, about 25 yards out on the centre right, thwacked a low right footed drive across Muggleton, the ball skipping off a divot (No, not Antoine-Curier) and high into the right side of the net. We laughed.

Chesterfield finally threatened from one of their huge throw-ins, this time from their left. Launched long, flicked on and beefy Blatherwick got bad eyebrows on the ball, with Fettis calmly plucking the dropping snow drop from the sky. Have you noticed something? Chesterfield "threatened" only from free kicks and throw-ins. How wonderful it must be to watch this every week. Town on the other hand threatened, ooooh, last year, when passing the ball was not a punishable offence.

Croweyellow card
Barnardgoalyellow card


Mansaramred card


Frazer Stretton


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With two or three minutes left to half time Town had some kind of movement towards the other goal. Legs flashed and flailed with a blue boot diverting the ball away from Rankin. Antoine-Curier chased the ball and allowed it to roll out of play about 10 yards from the bye-line. The linesman pointed up field, the referee overruled him, pointing to his shins and indicating a Town throw. The officials had a little argument, the defenders stood around and moaned, and Crowe picked up the ball and threw it to the totally unmarked Antoine-Curier, who bounded along the bye-line inside the penalty area and rolled the ball into the centre. LAWRENCE on the six yards line, in the middle, caressed the ball into the empty net. We started laughing again, as did the Town players by the look of it. The homesters gathered around the referee, moaning and groaning, with at least one of ‘em getting booked.

As the game drifted to half time they pressed down the Town left, with Armstrong giving possession away with another vague attempt at whacking the ball up the line. Young was forced to sprint across and do a terrific twisting, hooking tackle to dispossess Reeves just outside the Town penalty area. As he twisted he fell on his shoulder and writhed around in agony. Reeves had a go at Young, and the Town fans had a go at old git Reeves. Young was taken off the field in obvious agony and, to the obvious agony of the Town fans, Ford took his protein pills and put his helmet on, warming up just a few yards, but many moons, away.

Young came back on, the referee blew his whistle, the half ended.

Half time: Chesterfield 1 Grimsby Town 2

All the CEEFAX watchers were, no doubt, pleased. But it was dire, truly awful. If we close our eyes it doesn’t matter about such quaint metropolitan notions of style and beauty, does it? Never mind the quality feel the width, and at least we had some with Anderson back. So, this Lawrence bloke then. You want to know? He may have lots of legs, but why did he bring two duff ones with him. He didn’t duck, he did stand near opponents, he did tackle. And he scored. But apart from that there isn’t anything to say about him. Have I missed something out? Oh yes, Barnard had a rubbish shot which went way over the bar.

Let me think, some way to sum up the half..... a pithy one liner... what a load of old cobblers.

Stu's Half Time Toilet Talk

"Campbell’s been invisible again".
"The only way Town’ll get three points is if the coach driver was speeding through Staveley".
"Is Lawrence Des light, or Des lite".
"Take your brolly to the toilet - wasn’t that by Iron Maiden?".
"Stand behind the yellow lines, there’s a train coming"

The report continues in the Second Half.

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