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Style of Football


03/04 Sheff Wed Part 2

By: Tony Butcher
Date: 04/04/2004

WEDNESDAY’S response was nothing more than Proudlock falling over. Back Town came, picking the Wednesday pockets in midfield and scurrying away towards Wonderland. In the 10th minute Rankin muscled and bullied his way through three so called tackles down the Town right.

Home > 2003-2004 Season > Reports > Sheff Wed (h)

Grimsby Town 2 Sheffield Wednesday 0
03 Apr 2004, Nationwide League Division 2

Into the area, dismissing a challenge and ignoring the waving Jevons unmarked at the far post, Rankin smirked a low shot straight at Pressman from a narrow angle. And that’s just about your lot from Town. Come back in quarter of an hour, I might have some good news for you.

The flow of the game seemed to change after about fifteen minutes, the referee suddenly decided to give Sheffield’s second team a series of free kicks. Coldicott superbly dispossessed Mustoe about 25 yards on the centre right, with a rolling, hooking, sliding conjuring trick. Err, why a free kick? Oh dear, Cooke and Brunt standing confidently above the ball. Brunt took three steps then cuddled the ball over and around the wall. Fettis clambered across, the ball crawled over the crossbar, surfing the roof of the net, exciting the distant tourists. Another minute, another rotten decision with play allowed to continue despite a foul out on Town’s left. The ball hibbled and bibbled through the area, falling to Proudlock eight yards out. He swivelled and spooned the ball way over the bar. The referee gave a corner, despite no Town flesh being near. When you see the words "for a Wednesday corner" the next line is "and Edwards headed clear". That’s what happened over and over again.

Proudlock swivelled and spooned, a description of what he does, or what Wednesday fans want to do to him? At least he’s got rid of that ridiculous blue stripe.

La-di-da, mumble, mumble, think of a number, sing a song of sixpence. I’m just trying to divert your attention from the game, for it was a cultural desert. Wednesday had the ball, Town sat on the edge of the penalty area and cleared. Fettis kept pinching himself to stay awake. The only South Yorkist to cause a frisson of fear was the unpronounceable fire, N-N, who twisted and turned rather beautifully. Town simply smothered him with two and three defenders, forcing him to pass. Out of all this, just one little moment of concern flickered across the face of the Pontoon. Geary bundled down their right into space after a Town breakette had been stopped. He looked up and from about 20 yards out wobbled a cross in towards the near post. The ball seemed to get stuck on a thermal floating, wibbling, then flopping about four yards out. Fettis stuttered and stayed on his line but, don’t worry, Edwards glided across the turf and smooched the ball away from danger.

On the half hour Town got a free kick about 30 yards out on the centre right. Can’t remember why, I think Rankin asked nicely. You see good manners cost nothing. I bet he opens the door for old ladies too. Anderson tickled a long cross beyond the far post. No Wednesday defender bothered moving as Crane stumbled backwards near the corner of the six yards box, stretched his neck out and nodded the ball back across the face of goal. Pressman was still moored in the marina as his fellow defenders of the blue and white faith watched the ball loop, droop and drop slowly in to the bottom left corner of the goal. CRANE had scored and he turned to the Osmond Stand asking many questions, receiving many replies. And the referee booked him.

Let’s see what happened next? The ball dropped into the area and Proudlock thought a paper bag was the ball? The horse fell over the quick brown fox? Nothing so interesting I am afraid. Wednesday continued to give the appearance of a team attacking, but all they really did was make pretty-pretty patterns in the middle of the pitch, passing the ball out of play time and time again. They won some corners (see above for next line); they had a few long throws (see above, substitute Edwards for Crane); they won a few free kicks (don’t see above).

Cranegoalyellow card
Croweyellow card


Antoine-Curier38 mins
Rowan67 mins


Philip Dowd


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And Mansaram was substituted after about 35 minutes; he crumbled after challenging for a through ball and never got up. He was replaced by the Gallic Mansaram, whose first contribution was to try and flip the ball from the line out to the scrum half. Press fast forward on this video until you get to the 44th minute, you won’t have missed anything.

Here we are then, a minute left in the half, all plain sailing, happy and carefree, aimless as a leaf in a gale. N-N chased a pass down their right under the Police Box. Jevons tracked back and got his body betwixt Congolese and bladder. N-N rolled past Jevons with the merest of pushes and the linesman immediately flagged for a foul to Town. So far, so dull. Perhaps he was bored, perhaps he’s a secret lemonade drinker? Who knows why N-N decided to vent his fury on Jevons’ ankles, swiping away our angel’s feet with a tremendous hack. Just think of a slightly tipsy uncle trying to take away the tablecloth with your mother’s finest china tea set sitting proudly atop. And the whole family watching from the sofa. Clunk, clang, thud and cousin Crowe came running over to remonstrate. Not content with sticking at a certain yellow card, N-N twisted and went for pontoon. Into Crowe’s face went a hand, out of the referee’s back pocket came a red card. Marvellous. Do you think it was all a businessman’s conspiracy? Wednesday fearing financial meltdown if their big local derby disappears into the third division? Not content with giving us a goal, they get their only decent player sent off. Please, please, please have the three points Mr Grimsby.

Only one more thing happened, Brunt curled a free kick from their centre right around the wall and a foot past Fettis’ left hand post. Fettis had it covered, the ball wasn’t hit very hard, it wasn’t interesting.

Half time: Grimsby Town 2 Sheffield Wednesday 0

So there you are. Aren’t our South Yorkshire friends kind to us. First Barnsley, now Wednesday: makes you want regional football doesn’t it. Apart from the first 10 minutes Town did nothing. Apart from the first 45 minutes Wednesday did nothing. The first half was one sided in the sense that one side wanted to avoid defeat and would have quite liked to win. Jobs were done well, that is all.

Stu's Half Time Toilet Talk

"Why is yours yellow and everyone else has a white one?".
"I promise you we’ll win 4-0".
"I said I was you and she believed me until she looked on the internet."
"This is too easy, there has to be a catch".
"What use is a horse without a cart. Are you talking about Warhurst again?"

The report continues in the Second Half.

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