Question of the Week
Do you support Cleethorpes Town?
01/05 Brentford Part 2
By: Tony Butcher
TOWN were unable to get out of their own half, for the referee kept giving Brentford free kicks, which allowed them to constantly pump the ball into the area. Pressure, pressure; Town twanging; the crowd a raging fury; the rafters creaking and retreating.
Grimsby Town 1 Brentford 0
Onwards, past two more defenders, into the penalty area and...he disappeared from view, surrounded by red and white stripes, emerging on the turf, surfing his way towards the bye-line. Another penalty claim sniffed away. It looked, from afar, like a very unnatural way to fall, and to think it had taken him 40 yards to decided how and where he would tumble. Câ€™mon lad, you can do better than that.
Another attack, another shot. The ball was pumped up to Mansaram about 25 yards out on the centre right who, in his own mind, controlled the ball. He turned and leathered a thwacking great shot across the â€˜keeper, who rather excellently flew to his right and parried the ball aside for a corner. Aside from a Jevons soft little half cross, half shot and a Coldicott attempted dribbler through a crowd of legs, that was it from Town. The gas was turned off. Brentford began to repel the waved of monochrome raiders with increasing ease. After 25 minutes the game went silent, flat; tension rising, the Town players began to pass the ball to Brentford. No, thatâ€™s unkind. Crowe began to pass the ball straight to Brentford: he had a shocker. Not only was his distribution dreadful, but his defending was dozy, daydreaming dross. Brentford cottoned on to this and started to lump the ball over and between Crane and Crowe. Cue a few head in hands moments as the gruesome twosome dawdled and left it to each other to miss the ball.
Luckily the Bees buzzed but didnâ€™t plunge their spikes into the Town flesh. There was always Edwards and Fettis around. All hail the Hullites? Does rather hurt to think it, doesnâ€™t it. Brentford only had one attempt at goal worth remembering (ie, that I can remember) when, after a long Sonko throw, the ball bumbled about with May, about 6 yards out, hitting an overhead kick against the cross bar. But he was offside anyway, so even that doesnâ€™t count as an effort. Ah, those long hot Sonko throw-ins. Every one huge, looping and each time he had his foot on the pitch. Donâ€™t these linesmen listen to us? What is going on, eh?
Coldicott sent Jevons free with a back heel. Heâ€™ll be doing step-overs next. And growing hair.
The Brentford fans filled the aural vacuum with hearty songs of their own, which sounded like "Queens Park Rangers FC, by far the greatest team..." How jolly decent of them to recognise the Loftus Roadersâ€™ impending promotion. Or is it that waxy build up affecting my earsight?
Another long whack by Town down the left, the ball drifting towards the edge of the penalty area, along, along, going, going...Mansaram sprinted after it and Sonko ran parallel, shielding the ball from the avid pursuer. Mansaram waved his arms around, doing the mash potato, and the ref gave Town a free kick on the corner of the penalty area. Jevons caused teenage girls and men of a certain shoe size to faint as he applied some basic trigonometry to the moment. Cosine is adjacent over hypotenuse, which means the free kick was an aardvark, curled two or three feet high.
And just before half time Jevons had another chance to fritter and waste his talent in an offhand way. Another surprising bit of bumblage resulted in the ball squirting out to Jevons, alone, 25 yards out. The ball bounced once, bounced high, and Jevons took time to sketch out a few thoughts on a notepad, constructing some juicy quotes to explain how he scored such a wondergoal. He completely miss-hit the shot. It went high, high, high, and dropped, red with embarrassment, onto the back of the net, via the scoreboard.
Half time: Grimsby Town 0 Brentford 0
And then the half was over.
Yes, thatâ€™s it, the first half, all the action thatâ€™s fit to print. Everything else was Kendo Nagasaki Coldicott versus Big Daddy Hutchinson. Two bald bruisers going eye to eye, toe to toe, like a modern day Indoor League. Put on your slippers and ill fitting cardigan - Iâ€™ll si thee in the second half.
Stu's Half Time Toilet Talk
"It doesnâ€™t work if you smile."
The report continues in the Second Half.
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