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Dear Monty

By: Jason Paget
Date: 28/05/2004

YOU have presided over several seasons of decline, either side of the late Mr Carr's reign at BP. You and your board have made terrible shortsighted decisions.

Home > Features > 2004 Features > Dear Monty

You assured us selling Lord Pouton for a Kit Kat and a Bovril would ensure the future well being of my beloved Mariners, now I read in the GET that you calculate the cost of another relegation at £500,000.

Would Alan Pouton in the side have saved us the 3 points that would have kept us in an appalling division from which we have been relegated? I suggest his drive and leadership would have (and more.)

I have met you on numerous occasions and have found you to be approachable, to a town fan like me in a political sort of way, yet I have always felt you would be better served running the nuclear power plant in Springfield with Smithers as your trusty sidekick. (An Excellent idea)

The appointment of Mr Slade is an utter disgrace. My neck is aching from seeing talented full backs (Macca, even Galli, Crowe and Barnard) lumping the ball forward towards the prodigious "Target Man".

(Rees, Woods, Mendonca and the like managed to get us out of the lower divisions with cunning guile). However, maybe I am wrong and Iffy Onoura was the answer)

Slade's extremely short record as Notts County and Sheffield United managers were woeful, however he must be congratulated for steering Scarborough to 15th place in the Conference. But I am cringing inside Mr Furneaux. I will support Slade as I am Town and always will be. I have no choice.

I am filled with despair however and feel the board have made yet another calamitous error of judgement. I am unaware of any contract offered to Isaiah Rankin who has signed for Brentford. Edwards walked away to a fellow relegated side.

I hear the mighty Kidderminster Harriers are about to swoop for our best player (Jevons). If they are a bigger club than us then I shall hang my head in even more shame.

What is going on?

All I hear from GTFC are cryptic and predictable statements from the Evening Telegraph. Who can do a better job at board level? Sadly I fear there are no takers.

Fenty! You have control..... Where is your money??

soothsayer writes: "This man breathes success", an interesting and prophetic quote from Mr. P Furneaux on the appointment of Mr. Law.

I would like to nominate Mr. Law to The Guinness Book of Records for the amazing feat of being able to hold his breath for nearly three months during his tenure as manager of my beloved team. Even if he was breathing as we beat teams such as Brentford, surely he was asthmatic at Chesterfield.

Perhaps Mr. Furneaux implies that oxygen levels where the good ship Grimsby was headed would be so low that success would be all there was to breathe. There are completely bald lifeforms in the deepest oceans surrounding hydrothermal vents that exist entirely on sulphur. this accounts for the appearance and smell left as an aftertaste left by Mr. Law's departure.

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