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Question of the Week
Do you support Cleethorpes Town?
03/01 Cambridge Part 2
By: Tony Butcher
IT was utter rubbish. Townâ€™s formation dictated the flow, with the ball in the air, launched forward by Williams; Pinault an observer, Parkinson getting a headache. Cambridge rarely disturbed, and then only when Town accidentally got it on the floor.
Grimsby Town 3 Cambridge United 0
Here we are, another long ball to nowhere. Why do Town insist on whacking it up to pint-sized Parky? It never, ever works. It never, ever will. Never, never, never, never, never. Ah, a-hem, err, the exception that proves the rule. Forbes chipped the ball up the centre right towards Parkinson who tippled the ball onwards. Crowe surged forward from midfield, into a large gap behind the defence. One bounce, one head on, one glance and a perfectly weighted pass along the edge of the area. BULL, unmarked on the centre left, casually stroked the ball into the bottom right-hand corner. As wondrous a sight as the wildebeest flowing across the savannah, the pyramids across the Nile and the hanging gardens of Nunsthorpe. Actually, it wasnâ€™t an aimless punt and hopeful flick, but a delicate chip and dainty dink by Parky. Nice looking goal, helped by defensive doziness.
Ruddy Hell, eh?
2-0, whoâ€™d have thought it? All of us, probably, at 3 oâ€™clock, but not after the drossfest served up so far. Goals were out of keeping with the general air of a dishevelled former debutante at a charity ball on her 5th bottle of cheap champagne. Lots of movement, no co-ordination. She can see the pretty boys, but just canâ€™t seem to reach them.
Did Town have another shot? Maybe, but it wasnâ€™t bad enough to remember for comedic value alone. They did though. Towards the end of the half, after Forbes had nut-megged himself twice, Easter wriggled away on the centre right, just outside the area, vroomed onwards and slashed a firm shot from just inside the penalty area. The ball swirled towards the top left corner and Williams leant to his left and parried away for a corner. Heath, unmarked in the centre, headed weakly wide.
Perhaps they should reinstate Dish of the Day. Bit of bacon, some old potatoes and mushrooms, sprinkle on some Worcester Sauce and season to taste. There you are Forbesâ€™ potato nutmeg. Or am I describing Townâ€™s midfield?
Half time: Grimsby Town 3 Cambridge United 0Havenâ€™t you realised? It was half time a couple of sentences back. Youâ€™ll be at the back of the queue for the pies.
Poor. Town an incoherent stew, thrown together without a recipe. The odd tasty pea mixed in with a lot of fatty scrag-end of pork. How can anyone be a playmaker when the ball is 20 foot above him? Did we have a midfield or was it just a giant game of human dodgems?
Forty five more minutes to endure. Itâ€™s like Christmas, isnâ€™t it. You canâ€™t go home yet, just make the best of it.
Stu's Half Time Toilet Talk
"Thereâ€™s a compost heap in Tetney the shape of Ayers Rock"
The report continues in the Second Half.
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