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Macca: Wonder Goal
Macca: Wonder Goal

29/08 Rushden Part 2

By: Tony Butcher
Date: 30/08/2005

A free kick to Town, way out on the left. Whacked beyond the far post to Jones the Lump who waddled around, stretched and noodled the ball back from the bye line, it looping and drooping on to the top of the net. Not near, not interesting, not anything much. A neat summary of the first five minutes.

Home > 2005-2006 Season > Reports > Rushden (h)

Grimsby Town 2 Rushden and Diamonds 0
29 Aug 2005, Coca Cola League 2

A throw-in to Town on the right, 30 yards out. Exciting. McDermott chucked it to Reddy and the ball ballooned off the riverdancer back towards Macca, who raced forward and chested the ball on. The clouds parted, the sun beamed a single shaft of light to the turf upon which the hallowed one hovered. The crowd rose: we could see the future and it was macca-nificent, for within 0.674 seconds we would see cherubim and seraphim trumpeting the glory. About 25 yards way off to the right His Maccaness the McDermott bazookered a whipping, dipping volley over Young and into the top right hand corner: the perfect parabola from the perfect player. The crowd were in a holding pattern six feet above the terraces, with a cry of joyful wonderment sending a shockwave out towards Pleasure Island which flattened a family of four from Rotherham as they sat down to eat some fish fingers. Macca roared along the touchline pursued by the entire team, eleven dentists from the Main Stand, the inhabitants of Neville Street, and an ice cream van playing Tubular Bells. At that moment humanity reached Nirvana. Wasn't it a breaking news item on Radio 5? Nevermind.

Phwoar, eh! Cracking goal.

It even induced the Pontoon to sing "There's only one John McDermott". Well, not technically correct, but we do have The John McDermott. Tenors, painters, writers and lawyers are much lesser mortals than right backs for Grimsby Town. Who cares what happened in the next 10 minutes eh - we're floating man. Our love of Macca was the drug that we were thinking of.

The next ten minutes? Town kept heading the ball, Rushden kept passing, no-one got near goal really. Rushden had a flick and trick followed by a shot that Mildenhall forgot about before it passed the post. We must be fair to the kids, they need encouragement, don't they. We must be fair to Parkinson and conveniently ignore the fact he lost the ball 25 yards out through sheer wimpiness. Boring, but comfortingly boring, with Rushden twittering away without any thoughts of penetrating the double glazing. And then there's the referee. It was already clear he was ruining a bad game. Whistle while you work, R Booth is a twerp, he's half barmy, so's his army of linesmen.

A Rushden corner was curled to the far post and after a bundle and a cuddle the ball fell to Pearson. The Pontoon, in a charitable act that is unlikely to receive publicity on Calendar, assisted the referee by audibly observing the handball. Accidental danger averted through a return to old fashioned community singing. Ah, maybe he's not so bad this ref. Jones the Lump lost possession outside the Town box and O'Grady was a-twizzling through the area. Whittle lunged and missed, Jones dived and swiped. O'Grady was assassinated by an invisible sniper, right in front of the ref. Penalty? No, a free kick to Town and a booking for diving. Or maybe for a rubbish dive: O'Grady had a leg to fall over, but missed.

Twenty five minutes gone. One goal, one booking, one shot, one pass. One linesman did a step-over. One flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Steve Mildenhall
John McDermottgoal
Tom Newey
Justin Whittle
Jean-Paul Kamudimbagoalyellow card
Michael Reddy
Andy Parkinson
Rob Jones
Gary Jones
Gary Croft
Calvin Andrew


Tony Crane89 mins
Martin Gritton63 mins
Simon Ramsden
Terry Barwick
Glenn Downey


Russell Booth


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The ball fizzled out to Macca, skipping off the turf past his boot and out of play. Sort it groundsman! Town were leading; the crowd was silent and the game dead. On the half hour Town got a corner on the left and Newey floated the ball to the far post. Jones the Stick jostled with a teenager and plonked a header into the top right hand corner. I hope you didn't leap up and squeal. No gaol, the whistle long since blown. It always was: permanently at the ref's lips; look and he shall give a free kick. Are you looking? It's a free kick to Town on the right. The ball was wellied long, deep, deep inside their area on the left and nodded across goal by Jones the Stick towards the unmarked Reddy. The long-haired lover from Graignamanagh loped around beyond the far post and, from a narrow angle, hooked the ball over Young. A defender awaited next to the post and swiped the ball off the line for a corner.

More free kicks: the game not so much stop-start as stop-stop. What's this? A free kick? Surely not. Mildenhall boomed instructions to Croft to stand still laddie. He did. The free kick came to nothing. A minute later another free kick. This time on their left. Mildenhall ordered McDermott to remain stationary. He did. The ball hit Macca and that was that. They had the ball a lot, but did nothing with it apart from weave pretty patterns in midfield. It was nice of them to eschew shooting. One more cross stitch to do and the jumper would be complete, with a nice picture of a cow on the front.

Another free kick to Town, walloped up to Jones the Stick, who pitch-forked the ball into an empty space to the left of goal. Parkinson free, bounding, the ball bouncing, steered over from about eight yards.

Half time: Grimsby Town 1 Rushden and Diamonds 0

The ref breathed, his whistle blew, the sheep were rounded up in their pen. Half time.

Another dreary afternoon drifting along, with Town out-footballed again. We're doing our best to prove Ian Atkins right: we're a set piece team. Go on - you find that bit of team work that created any kind of half chance of a thought of a shot. One or two crosses that didn't reach Town players do not a summer make. Town simply gave the ball back as soon as they got it, Mildenhall kept dropping kicking towards Reddy, who was oozed away as the ball dribbled through to their keeper. The match highlights were the midget mascot making marvellous saves from the Mighty Mariner - an exclusive DVD giveaway with Thursday's Grimsby Telegraph. I'm off to eat my sandwich.

Stu's Half Time Toilet Talk

"It was either a headless bear or a windmill."
"Dad, was that Macca's last ever goal?"
"We stopped in Sleaford, but the chip shop was rubbish."
"I want their number three sent off, he used to play for Wimbledon."
"What are all these trippers doing here? Is it a bank holiday?"

The report continues in the Second Half.

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