Question of the Week
How much would you accept for Omar Bogle?
17/09 Torquay Part 2
By: Tony Butcher
A shot! Sort of. Kalalala briefly awoke from his golden slumbers for a less than golden shot that scruffled along the ground wider and wider still. A minute later Cohen received a throw in on the left, chested the ball on and eventually caught up with it near the edge of the penalty area.
Grimsby Town 3 Torquay United 0
Jones the Lump leant back and noodled the ball high across Marriott, who sailed into the sun, the ball dropping into the top right corner? Hand or crossbar diverted the ball, Bolland scrounged, a yellow leg swiped, bodies plunged to earth and a was corner given. A minute later came another cross from the right following more passes from Town players to Town players. This is getting surreal, expect the scoreboard to keep proper time next. Cohen rose at the far post and steered a header straight into Marriott's midriff. "Oof" and "Ooh".
Let's snooze for a while, we've had a bit to much neo-excitement. The referee kept booking them for tripping us. They weren't happy, we were. There you are: the swing is a roundabout on chains. I suggest you go to the toilet now. Come back in ten minutes, I may have something to tell you.
There, feel better now. I do hope you washed you hands. With a couple of minutes to go to half time Town were given a free kick deep inside their own half. Jones the Stick was persuaded upfield by a cabal of leading players. Croft belted the ball upfield, straight down the pitch, high, hanging and hopeful. The two Joneses waited underneath and missed with their attempted flick on; it bounced once and Cohen was equally unsuccessful with his attempt at pub football. A defender nodded the ball out towards the penalty spot. One stride, one man, one vision of marvellosity. JONES THE STICK swung his left boot and the ball incinerated the net, high to Marriott's right. Two appliances were called out to douse the flames. There's unstoppable and there's a half volley from Rob Jones; everyone ducked, people like to keep their heads attached to their shoulders. From nothing a goal, just a thump and a thwack and there we were, leading. We just needed to lean on the lean-to.
The rest of the half isn't worth thinking about; we were all still thinking about the thwacking great goal and the renaissance of Rob Jones: the metamorphosis from slug to butterfly. What a difference a year makes: from losing beautifully to winning ugly. Hold on cowboy, that's a chicken counting moment. Remember-member-member-member-member what Wombles Town are at times. Think once, think twice, think Stockport wasn't nice.
Half time: Grimsby Town 1 Torquay United 0
The first half wasn't great. Town were unable for long periods to get the ball off opponents who appeared to be quite nifty in between the penalty areas, but looked decidedly ropey in defence and barn-door-tastically inept at shooting. Bolland, Rob Jones and Macca: the rest you can forget about. Most stood in the right places, but that's about it. Kalalalalalala, in particular, was ensuring he wouldn't be injured for Tuesday.
Still, better than losing 1-0 at half time.
Stu's Half Time Toilet Talk
"I can only think of dungarees and puffa skirts."
The report continues in the Second Half.
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