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Jone the Lump
Jone the Lump

07/10 Wycombe 2nd Half

By: Tony Butcher
Date: 09/10/2005

TOWN eventually emerged and neither team made any changes at half time. Why is the Lump still on?

Home > 2005-2006 Season > Reports > Wycombe (h)

Grimsby Town 0 Wycombe Wanderers 1
07 Oct 2005, Coca Cola League 2

Town started in usual style, drifting the ball over the top and down the flanks for Reddy to harry and hassle quivering, quaver-eating centre backs. It was enough to get the Pontoon on its feet, with a slight roar roused from the pockets of regulars dotted about. The ball fell for Jones the Lump on the half way line, with Reddy set to overload. All you gotta do is set Reddy free, lumpy Jones, you know you can do it if you try. He failed, hooking the ball directly onto Williamson's toes. The crowd started to grizzle with every missed flick, every mis-placed pass, every painful wheezingly slow "run". "Why is the Lump still on?" became the chorus of disapproval.

Five minutes in, Francis plundered down the right, bumping off his marker, spinning away from the next little Wycombite, drifting into the area. At the last he tried to take on a fourth defender and was dispossessed. Still, enough to get the noise levels up, with the crowd behind the players, not silently sulking at this exhibition in blue. Town were direct, more urgent, getting closer to the chairistas, forcing them back towards the Pontoon. Crosses flashing in, heads knuckling the ball away. A throw in twenty yards out under the Smiths/Stones/Findus Stand and Newey waited for movement. Parkinson came towards him, Newey lobbed gently and Parky turned away. Betsy stepped forward and smoothed down their right, attracting what was left of the Town defence, cutting infield and releasing Mooney on the right side of the Town area. Mooney rolled over the ball and caressed a delicate cross into the centre of the penalty area, where Torres stooped and glanced the ball into the bottom left hand corner. What a fantastic linesmen there is down there; of course it was offside, Officer Dibble.

Back Town raged, booming the ball upfield, tussling and tangling, a free kick to Town twenty five yards out on the right, near the Police Box. Chipped to the far post where men wrestled, the ball was hooped out to the centre, right on the edge of the penalty area. Whittle swivelled and hooked a dipping left foot volley through the bewilderment. Lonergan arced his back, reached for the sky and managed to tip the ball onto the crossbar with the end of his fingers. Another corner to Town: the pressure mounting, constant; Wycombe almost panicking. And Town were doing this with only five players. Poor old Lumpy Jones could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by. What the public gets is not necessarily what the public wants.

Ah, Mooney, a pro. Biding his time, waiting for the ball, so he can fall at the hint of a Town player breathing near him. He knows how to get free kicks. It just gives you thirty seconds respite matey. Cometh the hour, misseth the man. The ball was tippled down the right, with Reddy spinning past his marker behind the defence, hypnotising three defenders. Reddy backheeled to Francis who immediately steered a perfect cross towards the centre of goal. Jones the Lump shrugged off a little blue boy and, from six yards out, thumped a downward header a few inches past the keeper's left hand post. It was harder to miss. The crowd had had enough. Why wasn't Gritton on?

I think Wycombe had a shot around this time. Someone shot straight at Mildenhall. Probably Mooney. It's as good a guess as any. Usual thing: Betsy beat Newey to a pulp and Town were stuck on Fraggle Rock, hoping for salvation.

Ah yes, at last, substitutions. Eh? McDermott replaced by Ramsden with twenty five minutes left! Crowd astonished - why is Jones the Lump still on? We still don't know what he was waiting for.

Steve Mildenhall
John McDermottyellow card
Justin Whittle
Rob Jonesyellow card
Tom Newey
Simon Francis
Paul Bollandyellow card
Ciaran Toner
Andy Parkinson
Gary Jones
Michael Reddy


Simon Ramsden65 mins
Martin Gritton71 mins
Gary Cohen71 mins
Terry Barwick
Tony Crane


Darren Deadman


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Gritton had been warming up since half time, the Lump was still turning down a million dead-end streets. And don't forget the left side. Betsy specialised in running fifty yards with two and three Town defenders at his side but no tackling. Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes required.

Reddy roamed down the right, racing into the area, past a couple of defenders towards the bye-line. He looked up and rolled the ball to Jones the Lump, eight yards out at the near post, who stumbled and was immediately mugged. More groans thrown out from the crowd. A minute later Town again slashed the Wycombe defence apart. Hit high to the Town right, the ball was headed clear, but immediately looped back over the top. Toner turned his marker and was free, inside the area. He bundled towards the bye-line, rolling off a challenge and bore down upon Lonergan, about six yards out at a narrowish angle. The keeper ducked, Toner opened up his body and shinned a left foot something over Lonergan, over the Lumpster at the far post and over towards the toilets.

A couple of minutes later a Town free kick from the right was pumped high and long towards the far post. The ball sailed over the Stick, over Whittle and to the unmarked Lump, who glanced the ball very safely wide. Francis steered a header wide too, can't remember when, but it was definitely before he was substituted with twenty minutes left. Cohen came on and at the same time Gritton finally replaced Jones the Lump. There was much audible appreciation for this change. Reddy had been a lonely soul, he had nobody until Marty arrived.

Town abandoned their previously subtlety and pumped the ball higher and longer, but with the added thrill that if the ball fell to Gritton he passed it. Cohen broke from the edge of the Town area, tracked by Oakes, then felled by Oakes near the managers' dug outs. Seeing the referee waltzing over with the yellow card visible, Oakes decided to roll around on the ground. He stayed put for a minute, despite being an inch from the touchline, the ground booming with boos and indignation. This simply allowed Town to send the Carrot and the Stick up to squeeze the Wycombe juice still further. Corner, corner, throw in, corner. The pressure was incessant, but always with that fear they'd break away and silently slip the stiletto in our neck. They broke, Town wobbled, the Bendaboys surfing through; Mooney twisting at the near post, shot deflected wide.

Back Town roared, the crowd on their feet, the surround-sound on full blast. Parkinson took a throw on the left, lobbing the ball straight to Reddy, whose marker had taken a quip kip. Reddy rolled around the final defender and from a narrow angle, about three yards out, poked the ball over the lunging Lonergan. The ball struck the keeper in the face and ballooned out for a corner. More pressure, the ball zinging and pinging through their area. Cohen through to the bye-line, Torres dug up both Cohen and ball: another corner. They cleared to Bolland who was dispossessed near the tunnel. Ooh, matron! Torres zipped away with the ball and with Bolland hanging on to his underpants. Another booking.

After a brief interlude, where Wycombe once again tore little strips of meat off the Town carcass down their right, the game returned to its rightful home: inside the penalty area in front of the Pontoon. Jones the Stick was a permanent presence. With five minutes left Ramsden clipped a free kick deep into the penalty area, towards the far post. There was hibbling and bibbling, legs flailing, the ball squirming out to the edge of the area on the centre left. Bolland took a step and cracked a low shot through the advancing tide of blue, under Lonergan and into the bottom left hand corner. But no, stood behind the keeper was Mooney. Why was he there? Did he know? The ball hit his shins and bounced up, straight into the keeper's hands.

At some stage, which I will say is about now, because I have just remembered it, Wycombe broke quickly down their right and switched play to the unmarked Mooney, who chipped the ball across Mildenhall and a foot or so wide of the left-hand post. I'm as tired as you of seeing "they broke down their right hand side and.." Betsy, about fifteen yards out just wide of goal, thumped a cross shot which Mildenhall parried out across goal. There was a scramble, an even bigger scramble, then a couple of blocked shots.

The seconds ticked down, the excitement cranked up. What a denouement? A Town player free, behind the defence. Who was it? To tell you the truth in all this excitement, does it matter? To the bye-line, Lonergan crouching at the near post, Reddy unmarked at the far post just six yards out A perfect cross, Reddy on his haunches, slowly leaning forward, launching himself into a full diving header. The keeper and a defender leapt across to their right, Reddy carefully placed a firm header down to their left. The ball clipped the leaping Lonergan's ankles and spun up. Everyone froze and watched as the ball crawled over the crossbar and on to the roof of the net. Reddy was almost crying with frustration. Newey clipped the corner to the centre of the goal. Jones the Stick thundered in, massacred the ball goalwards, past the keepers hands and the ball hit someone on the back of the head and bounced clear. At this point it crossed our minds that Town weren't going to score tonight.

A Gritton glancing header from a Ramsden cross that looped towards the top right hand corner and a Jones flick that boomed high over were the last wheeze from the Town bellows. Three minutes of added time were taken up mostly with Wycombe time-wasting in the one remaining empty corner of Blundell Park. The Town players got a standing ovation, unlike Lonergan who indulged in some teenager taunting. As we rose in acclamation Betsy walked over and applauded the Town support.

Town lost this in the first half, with a timid, tepid non-performance. Out of character? In truth it was totally consistent with the majority of home performances. Big hoofs towards Reddy with Jones the Lump nowhere to be seen have been the order of the day. It is tempting to say Town have gotten away with it so far, but three home defeats already suggest otherwise, don't they. The fightback was laudable and exciting with Town, in the end, deserving of a draw. But Wycombe were better than Town; they play like we used to.

Isn't it about time Mooney retired?

Nicko's Man of the Match

No Town player was outstanding. Reddy was his usual whirligig self, but overall Paul Bolland did the work of at least two, so he gets it for sheer persistence and effort.

Markies Unman of the Match

Returning after a month off, there were too many to mention. Jones the Lump was by far the worst player. "But he's been injured" cried the nice people wearing hats. Well, don't pick him then. So it's the man who wasn't manager of the month: Russell Slade, for the wrong selection, wrong tactics, wrong formation, inert management when things were falling apart and a general whiff of fear in dealing with Wycombe. Yes they were third, but Town were top. If you can't be bold then when can you be? We shouldn't be playing away at home.

Official Warning

Mr Deadman<.i>. Is that a name or a prediction? A pedantic pustule who was determined, almost at all costs, to not be influenced by the crowd. He was wilfully contrary and most of his errors were disfavouring Town. I don't think he deserves a score at all. He did not cause the defeat, but he was a bad influence on society. In my day boys like him used to get expelled, or at least his parents be given a stern lecture. I am, of course, assuming he has parents, which is contrary to the general consensus. Like Town he gets nothing from this game: 0.00

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