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24Newport County13-88

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Mighty Mariner to be Axed - April Fool

By: Rob Sedgwick
Date: 01/04/2011

THE Mighty Mariner is to be axed at Blundell Park as research has shown the club's mascot is frightening to young children. The club are looking at a more family-friendly replacement, and several possibilities are understood to be on the table, in a bid to boost attendance.

The club commissioned a survey by consultants Hang Galviauh and the results were quite surprising. 33% of fans thought The Mighty Mariner was a poor mascot and a staggering 17% said the fisherman was frightening to young children.

One fan Paolo Fril told the Fishy: "I took my lad to Blundell Park and he had recurring nightmares for three weeks involving the Mighty Mariner. We had to stop taking him for his own peace of mind. Thankfully he's better now but I'm waiting until he's older before I take him again."

One possibility could see a return for the former manager and youth team coach Neil Woods, who the club have said are keen to see come back in some capacity. Woods is said to be a part time magician and comedian of some calibre, and is particularly adept at juggling and eating fire. The Fishy understands that Woods has been pencilled in for a role in providing pre-match and half time entertainment.

A current Grimsby Town player who wished not to be named told the Fishy: "Neil's a real hoot. Had he not gone into football I'm sure he could have had a career in juggling or joined the circus. Sometimes at half time during his team talk he'd be juggling six or seven cups of tea, and some of them were full!"

Another possibility is the introduction of cheerleaders. One fan Pan Tomonno (17) told the Fishy, "the football's often boring at Blundell Park. I'd like to see cheerleaders dancing when we get a corner or score a goal. It might get the crowd going, and give us something to go home happy about".

Whatever the club come up with kids can go back to Blundell Park without fear of nightmares.

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