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Mentioned Part 43

By: Rob Sedgwick
Date: 23/02/2003



Home > Features > Mentioned > Mentioned #43


 

"No disrespect to the likes of Grimsby..."

sunday 23rd february

The Grimsby Game

From: footballpoets.org.

Us Brits we like a bargain or better still for free,
We've finally filled the Reebok on a five pound ticket spree,
Its nice to see the stadium with a bum on every seat,
But most of them are children being given a family treat.

New supporters are our future lets hope they like the game,
It wont be Fifa soccer and to some it aint the same,
Its nice to give them all a chance to see it all for real,
And most of them will like it but to some it wont appeal.

It boosts the sales in programmes and also pies and beer,
But to some who`s never been before these products may be dear,
They`ll double sales in coffee,bovrill crisps and tea,
But you`ll have to queue up twice as long for your regular half time pee.

Spotted by Jonathan Parkes.


Elton John

"Grimsby" Lyrics.

As I lay dreaming in my bed
Across the great divide
I thought I heard the trawler boats
Returning on the tide
And in this vision of my home
The shingle beach did ring
I saw the lights along the pier
That made my senses sing

Oh oh Grimsby, a thousand delights
Couldn't match the sweet sights
Of my Grimsby
Oh England you're fair
But there's none to compare with my Grimsby
Through nights of mad youth
I have loved every sluice in your harbour
And in your wild sands from boyhood to man
Strangers have found themselves fathers

Take me back you rustic town
I miss your magic charm
Just to smell your candy floss
Or drink in the Skinners Arms
No Cordon Bleu can match the beauty
Of your pies and peas
I want to ride your fairground
Take air along the quay

Spotted by Jonathan Parkes.


Comedy Football

By: I.P.Wood.

Manchester United vs Grimsby Town IF Man U had beaten Arsenhole in the Worthington Cup recently- this could have been the match report from the encounter with Grimsby Town FC.

Manchester United 6 - 0 Grimsby Town, Worthington Cup, Old Trafford

Grimsby Town were tonight dumped out of the Worthington in emphatic style. The team who had in the last round destroyed the cup holders hopes of retaining the trophy, were well and truely destroyed by a rampant Man United. The current holders, coincidently, being the arch rivals of Manchester United, Liverpool.

The match kicked off with Grimsby making the early running. The first goal however came against the run of play. A DENNIS IRWIN shot took a wicked deflection of the underside of the floodlights and left Danny Coyne with no chance. The Grimsby players were incencsed by the allowing of the goal. Referee Mr. Manc Fan of London was adamant that there was '...absolutely nothing wrong with that...' and the goal stood.

Five minutes later Grimsby were reduced to ten men after captain Paul Groves inquired as to why Mr. Fan was wearing a red scarf. Groves was shown the red card for dissent.

Grimsby had fire in their belly and we not going to be demoralized by the goings-on of the first 15 minutes. they played with vigour and in the 25th minute they got the equaliser they so richly deserved. Stuart Campbell played a neat one-two with Alan Pouton ,making Silvestre look like a boy scout. He sent in a wickedly curling cross to the far post were PHIL JEVONS volleyed home the ball as Barthez looked on hopelessly.

The remainder of the 1st half was dominated by a string of Grimsby attacks, all resulting in off-side decisions- non by the referees assistant!

Half Time Manchester United 1 Grimsby Town 1

The second half started explosively. Manchester were awarded a penalty after the referee spotted David Beckham being felled in the Grimsby box. The penalty was strongly contested by the Grimsby side- including the bench! Lennie Lawrence was concerned that with the referee having some trouble with his tongue trapped in Alex Ferguson's zipper he would have been unsighted from the incident. Mr. Fan was happy to explain however that '...the blade of grass was clearly impeding the number 7's ability to move his feet, any body impeding an opponent in the natural course of their game was guilty of committing a foul and as the offence occured within the Grimsby penalty area, he had no choice but to award the spot kick.'

Beckham picked himself and cheked that he hadn't got any mud smeared across his face before firing the penalty past the outstreched Coyne who was made to stand on the half-way line under the new 'Anti-excessive-standing-in-the-goal-mouth' rule.

There was no dobt that Grimsby were under the Kosh...Roy Keane's Kosh. The Manchester United captain had taken it upon himself to unsure that the game was not as one-sided as the first half. He duely disrupted the Grimsby defence by rendering them useless- what is not conscious can not affect the game.

Mr. Keane's tactic certainly had the desired effect. Grimsby had been subdued to playing their football in Manchesters 18 yd box- and only occasionally venturing into Manchester's 6 yd area. The official did have a strong word with Keane...making sure that the player was 'totally sure the Grimsby defence were out of action'. Keane said that he was sure theywould not get up before the end of the seanson and Mr. Fan seemed satisfied that Keane was doing a good job and ply proceeded.

Grimsby took the lead in the 90th minute when Barthez picked up the ball on the edge of the box and ran as fast as he could into the unguarded net. It seemed that justice would be served after grimsby had 26 goals disallowed in the final ten minutes. Alex Ferguson signalled to the man in the middle that his watch was clearly faulty and should allow an 'unlimited' amount of injury time to account for this. This proved to be the saving factor for Manchester as Grimsby were reduced to no men after the ref refused any substitutions in the last 15 to ensure the away team could not waste any time in a vain attempt to get a lucky draw. Manchester seized this opportunity and the Grimsby goal mouth was under seige. Finally a punt up field by Phil 'hunch back of Greater Manchester' Neville was deflected goal-ward by the tea lady in the players lounge.

The game ended in a creditable 2-2 draw for the Grimsby team who had shown great character in the face of the might of The Red Devils. Mr. Ferguson stated that the Mariners had come to disrupt the play and use heavy tactitcs to stifle the power of the Reds. The final score was recorded as 6-0 when Alex said he would 'jump up and down' on his programme and scream until he got his way, Mr. Fan was only too happy to oblige.

Spotted by Jonathan Parkes.


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