The Joy of Ex: Barnsley Report

Grimsby Town 2 Notts County 0
21 Oct 2003, Nationwide League Division 2

"Over there, in the corner, don’t talk to any one but your relatives." But like said Auntie, the Town fans threw themselves with gusto into hearty, jaunty joshing, with the occasional embarrassing faux pas about them Yorkies next door.

Town lined up in a 4-4-2 formation, as shown. The demise of Daws saw Campbell in the centre with dwindling Des, with everyone else in their normal positions. Licks were lipped, or is that lips were licked, at the thought of Cas against Galli, which Galli’s waddling demeanour didn’t diminish. So just why had Gallimore and Handyside joined the absent jellyfish (still presumably in his mould) in beautiful downtown Barnsley? Ah, I see, shirt sponsor explains all. VK (that’s Vodka Kick to the Salvation Armyists amongst the marching Mariners). It’s the lure of the sponsor’s freebies, isn’t it. All Town can offer is some suspiciously loose wiring done one weekend, maybe next April if you’re lucky.

The thoroughly "researched" match programme listed Town’s 10 year records as having finished 18th, 19th and 24th in Division Two in the last three years. And they even wheeled out old Sun hack John Saddler for the obligatory "no disrespect to today’s visitors but..." schtick. Hark at them, the Town that comes to us for a holiday. Perhaps we should try that when they ask for a stick of rock and a round of Bingo.

Ah, the introductions. Barnard was applauded by their dentists, but booed by everyone else, whilst, in a surprise development, Handyside was mostly cheered and Gallimore roundly heckled. And serenaded with personalised shanties and lullabies, most of which centred upon what Graham Taylor would call "refuelling habits". Curiously, that was the one word the Town fans didn’t use, being more direct in referring to Galli’s Grosvenor days. If Galli won’t confront his demons, then we would do it for him.

1st half

Town kicked off away from the massed Mariners and fooled our haughty hosts by passing to each other. Several times. Nope, we wouldn’t kick it out of play and Barnsley never recovered from the shock of the new. As the locals almost said "Eh up, what is this thing you call passing?"

Barnsley had Betsy and Rankin upfront, who looked like they could run quickly, and Barnsley thought that too, with attempts to use their pace against Crane and Edwards. There was much fluffery from our foes, but nothing of consequence resulted. A few flurries of activity in the opening 10 minutes, breakaways promising something but delivering only two uninteresting shots from outside the penalty area. Was one a free kick from way out? Possibly. Another an opportunist thwack? Maybe. Davison needn’t have bothered taking his towel off. Hamilton was already infuriating many with his awful positional play and sudden narcolepsy. Burns did as he pleased, drifting off Des then running past him as Barnsley attempted to copy Town’s triangles. With Edwards and McDermott sweeping, they ended up as Bermuda Triangles, no thanks to dozy Des.