Too Late The Hero: Lincoln Report

Grimsby Town 2 Lincoln City 4
22 Jan 2005, Coca Cola League 2

Hang on, this is strange, this doesn’t feel right....Blundell Park...on a Saturday. How last year. Town players are used to wandering around Poundstretchers at this time of day. How will they cope psychologically?

Town lined up in a 3-4-3 formation, as shown. Poor young Young - crowbarred into a left wing back position. We gulped - a centre half flying down the wings? And I’ve seen an elephant fly. The rest were where you’d think they’d be, given recent managerial selections. No Frenchman, no hair, no flair. Transit Stan? He was, wasn’t he.

They’re keeping up the Downey Conspiracy, I’ll give ‘em that, but they should at least be bothered to be consistent with their made up facts. They even did a player profile on him. That picture of the young Glen Downey is some old Polaroid of Gary Henshaw, isn’t it. You’d have thought they’d have auctioned it off with those rare GTFC plates they keep finding under the manager’s desk. Do you think they bought a job lot in 1999, a stash for Buckley to chuck? Anyway, that Downey Conspiracy, they could sell the film rights for a pretty penny. They may have to relocate it though; Grimsby isn’t very Hollywood.

The Town subs, as usual, finished their warm up by having target practice against Fraser. We’re doomed, doooomed, I tell yer. They couldn’t hit Tony Crane with Steve Livingstone’s banjo. Except Tony Crane, who was lethal. Perhaps, after all, he was Slade’s missing link. All that glisters should be told. Danny North was wearing gold boots. Oh dear.

Dish of the Day: they’re really struggling now. "Eating the Clock". What’s wrong with pickled parsnips?

Oh, Lincoln. Yes, they turned up and played in their usual kit, but with white shorts.

1st half

The kick off was delayed whilst the tannoy completed the first verse of "Up The Mariners". Catchy tune, just about the right amount of cheese on top of that wholesome hopeful toast. Twiddle that pennywhistle, we’re off!

Town kicked off towards the Osmond Stand.

If you want to recreate the first five minutes just sit back, cross your legs, lean to one side, glance about you, scratch your head a few times, decide to inspect your glasses and wipe the lenses. If you don’t wear glasses think about going to the opticians to have an eye check. Have a sudden thought about fruit pastilles, look at the ceiling, look around, rub your left elbow twice and have a meaningless chat about the effervescent qualities of diet Tango with the next person you meet.

Hey! Town won a corner when Parkinson fiddled down their right and his cross was blocked away from the bye-line. Well, it was something, I suppose. McDermott pulled the corner back to the edge of the penalty area. Where’s Iain Anderson gone? Good idea, but maybe eight months too late, eh?