Living In Hope: Macclesfield Report

Grimsby Town 0 Macclesfield Town 0
26 Dec 2004, Coca Cola League 2

A hundred years of enmity and drooling derision, how could the police cope? You'd think they'd avoid such historic fixtures on such sensitive dates, do they know it's Christmas time at all? See, there wasn't snow in Freshney Place this winter time.

Town lined up in a 3-4-1-2 formation, as shown. Oh no! No Deano or Pinault, a collective cringe at the birthday presents being thrown into the bin already. Jones and Bull, so much more than a pretty face, I don't think so. Hang on, it's Reddy isn't it? Ooo no, it's Gritton, the Scots version of Reddy: same build, same hair, narrower eyes. Reddy II: McReddy , the glower of Scotland. Ah, Gritton, Fenty's fur-lined sheepskin jacket, who cost us a packet of Spangles. Mock ye not, noooooo, he'd have been our record signing in 1947. We'll soon find out if he's a Torquay turkey and how much punning fun (warning: do not repeat phrase after third sherry) the GET can get out of his surname. Yes, Mr Kipling makes exceedingly stale puns, two of which you've just eaten at your Gran's. "Grit on the road", very seasonal. Will he put true Grimsby grit back on the pitch? Let's hope they aren't reporting Gritton's catalogue of missed chances. I've run out of crackers.

No, one more. Why did the manager play Rob Jones? Erm, ooh, hang on, there's no punchline written down. That's not a joke, is it.

Macclesfield had a couple of big players and a large lump at centre forward, Parkin, who Slade seemed to be obsessed with in the run up to Christmas. Big, but not ginormous but he was only about an inch or so taller than Whittle, kind of broader at the shoulders, narrower at the hip, you wouldn't give no lip to Big John. Why the panic? What's the point in Whittle if he can't cope with big blokes?

Dish of the Day: Father Christmas (not suitable for microwave ovens). Marinated old man isn't my idea of a dinner. I see, it's a dietary advice column for the overindulgent amongst us, not Delia Smith's winter wonderland.

Woah, steady on, put up the phaser shield. What is that bright light emerging from the tunnel? Have we ever seen such luminous stars at Blundell Park? Brighter than the average steward, more floatingly fluorescent than the average arm band, I think I'm getting a migraine, Mavis. That's a bright orange.

Did I tell you Sestanovich played in the Black Hole behind Gritton and Big Ears? So Glen Downey isn't there either? He must be somewhere.

1st half

Macclesfield kicked off, which is a start, I grant them that. They faced the Pontoon, which by a process of elimination, meant that Town attacked the Osmond End in the first half.