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Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC  This thread currently has 416,720 views. Print
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Poojah
November 7, 2009, 10:10pm Report to Moderator

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Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC

I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do. I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your ‘performance’ (and I use that term loosely) this afternoon, but let me just say that you have collectively reached a level of inadequacy and ineptitude that neither I nor modern science had previously considered possible.

In fact I recall a time, in my youth, when I decided to call in sick at work and instead spent the entire day in my one bedroom flat wearing nothing but my underpants, eating toast and wánking furiously over second-rate Scandinavian porn. Yet somehow, I still managed to contribute more to my employer in that one Andrex-filled day than you complete bunch of toss-baskets have contributed to this club in your entire time here.

I would genuinely like to know how you pathetic little píssflaps sleep at night, knowing full well that you have taken my money and that of several thousand others and delivered precisely fúck all in return. I run a business myself, and I believe I could take any 4,000 of my customers at random; burn down their houses, impregnate their wives and then dismember their children before systematically sending them back in the post, limb-by-limb, and still ensure a level of customer satisfaction which exceeds that which I have experienced at Blundell Park at any time so far this season.

You are a total disgrace, not only to your profession, not only to the human race, but to nature itself. This may sound like an exaggeration, but believe me when I say that I have passed kidney stones which have brought me a greater level of pleasure and entertainment than watching each of you worthless excuses for professional footballers attempt to play a game you are clearly incapable of playing, week-in, week-out.

I considered, for a second, that I was perhaps being a little too harsh. But then I recalled that I have blindly given you all the benefit of the doubt for too long now. Yes, for too long you have failed to earn the air you’ve been breathing by offering any kind of tangible quality either as footballers or as people in general. As such, I feel it’s only fair that your supply runs out forthwith.

I trust, at this precise moment in time, that Mr Fenty is in his office tapping away on the Easyjet web site booking you all one-way flights to Zurich, complete with an overnight stay with our cheese eating friends at Dignitas. Don’t bother packing your toothbrush – you won’t need it.

In the event that our beloved chairman can’t afford the expense (understandable given that he’s soon going to have to assemble a new squad from scratch), then I am prepared to sell my family (including my unborn child) to a dubious consortium of Middle Eastern businessmen in order to pay for the flights. Christ, I’ll drive you there myself, one-by one, without sleep, if I have to.

Failing that, understanding that most dubious Middle Eastern businessmen are tied-up purchasing Premier League football clubs, I ask you to please take matters into your hands. Use your imagination, guys – strangle yourselves or cover yourself in tinfoil and take a fork to a nearby plug socket, or something. Just put yourselves and us fans out of our collective misery.

So, in summary, you pack of repugnant, sputum-filled, invertebrate bástards; leave this club now and don’t you fúcking dare look back. You’ve consistently demonstrated less passion and desire than can commonly be found within the contents of a sloth’s scrótum, so frankly you can just all fúck off – don’t pass go, don’t collect your wages, don’t ever come back to this town again.

I look forward to you serving me at my local McDonald’s drive-thru in the near future.

Yours sincerely


A very disillusioned Mariner



A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.
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goolemariner
November 7, 2009, 10:13pm Report to Moderator

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Couldn't have put it better myself. Post of the week.


Those were the days, my friend,
We took the Stretford End,
We took the Kop, the Kippax and the Shed,
We lived the life we choose,
We'd fight, we'd never lose,
Those were the days, oh yes those were the days,
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, Town!
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meggietown
November 7, 2009, 10:19pm Report to Moderator
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i dont think that was harsh enough thing is they will still pick up there weeks wages this week an people who went have to work hard to pay £18 to go an watch that excrement what was on offer today ,an the players dont give a intercourse bet there all out tonight enjoying themselves not bothered while we are all sulking at home
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Plymouth_Mariner
November 7, 2009, 10:19pm Report to Moderator

Matt Tees,King of Blundell Park
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Spot on matey , lets hope they read it. As someone has posted earlier, let the young lads play at Leeds, we are going to get tubbed anyway, at least it will get them prepared for the conference early !


If you can't fix it with a hammer.....then you have got an electrical problem
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grimsby pete
November 7, 2009, 10:29pm Report to Moderator

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Poorjar you always sit on the fence,

Why don't you speak your mind ?

    

Very good read mate.


Black and White forever       59 years following the town.   Proud to be a codhead.    

  27 years living in suffolk but always a mariner .             < * )))))) > <

                                     JOIN THE TRUST
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Marinerz93
November 7, 2009, 10:30pm Report to Moderator

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Post of the week by Poojah.


Supporting the Mighty Mariners for over 30 years, home town club is were the heart and soul is and it's great to be a part of it.

Jesus’ disciple Peter, picked up a fish to get the tribute money from it, Jesus left his thumb print on the fish, bless'ed is the Haddock.
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Poojah
November 7, 2009, 10:43pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from grimsby pete
Poorjar you always sit on the fence,

Why don't you speak your mind ?

    

Very good read mate.


Fúck it - it's gone in the post. Taking into account the current state of the postal service the club should receive it shortly before we reach the Unibond Premier.


A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.
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thornemariner
November 7, 2009, 10:54pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from goolemariner
Couldn't have put it better myself. Post of the week.


Post of the year even.
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1106
November 7, 2009, 10:59pm Report to Moderator
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That summed it up for me as well
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Biccys
November 7, 2009, 11:02pm Report to Moderator

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Hard to argue with any of that after today.


11,167

76,962

@biccysthefishy
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davmariner
November 7, 2009, 11:05pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Plymouth_Mariner
Spot on matey , lets hope they read it. As someone has posted earlier, let the young lads play at Leeds, we are going to get tubbed anyway, at least it will get them prepared for the conference early !


Yep agree let the young lads have their moment of fame of being on TV and playing at Elland Road, rather pay to see that than go see the excrement that the first team have to offer!


Up The Mariners!
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Badger57
November 7, 2009, 11:10pm Report to Moderator
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That is totally and utterly BRILLIANT and has cheered my thoroughly miserable night! THANK YOU!!!!  
PLEASE, somebody in the halls of GTFC print this off and post it everywhere inside the club. Let's show these pathetic excuses for footballers what we really think of them.
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MarineroftheMatch
November 7, 2009, 11:16pm Report to Moderator

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All hail Poojah


<*))))))><  UP THE MARINERS  ><((((((*>
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davmariner
November 7, 2009, 11:19pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from Poojah
Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC

I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do. I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your ‘performance’ (and I use that term loosely) this afternoon, but let me just say that you have collectively reached a level of inadequacy and ineptitude that neither I nor modern science had previously considered possible.

In fact I recall a time, in my youth, when I decided to call in sick at work and instead spent the entire day in my one bedroom flat wearing nothing but my underpants, eating toast and wánking furiously over second-rate Scandinavian porn. Yet somehow, I still managed to contribute more to my employer in that one Andrex-filled day than you complete bunch of toss-baskets have contributed to this club in your entire time here.

I would genuinely like to know how you pathetic little píssflaps sleep at night, knowing full well that you have taken my money and that of several thousand others and delivered precisely fúck all in return. I run a business myself, and I believe I could take any 4,000 of my customers at random; burn down their houses, impregnate their wives and then dismember their children before systematically sending them back in the post, limb-by-limb, and still ensure a level of customer satisfaction which exceeds that which I have experienced at Blundell Park at any time so far this season.

You are a total disgrace, not only to your profession, not only to the human race, but to nature itself. This may sound like an exaggeration, but believe me when I say that I have passed kidney stones which have brought me a greater level of pleasure and entertainment than watching each of you worthless excuses for professional footballers attempt to play a game you are clearly incapable of playing, week-in, week-out.

I considered, for a second, that I was perhaps being a little too harsh. But then I recalled that I have blindly given you all the benefit of the doubt for too long now. Yes, for too long you have failed to earn the air you’ve been breathing by offering any kind of tangible quality either as footballers or as people in general. As such, I feel it’s only fair that your supply runs out forthwith.

I trust, at this precise moment in time, that Mr Fenty is in his office tapping away on the Easyjet web site booking you all one-way flights to Zurich, complete with an overnight stay with our cheese eating friends at Dignitas. Don’t bother packing your toothbrush – you won’t need it.

In the event that our beloved chairman can’t afford the expense (understandable given that he’s soon going to have to assemble a new squad from scratch), then I am prepared to sell my family (including my unborn child) to a dubious consortium of Middle Eastern businessmen in order to pay for the flights. Christ, I’ll drive you there myself, one-by one, without sleep, if I have to.

Failing that, understanding that most dubious Middle Eastern businessmen are tied-up purchasing Premier League football clubs, I ask you to please take matters into your hands. Use your imagination, guys – strangle yourselves or cover yourself in tinfoil and take a fork to a nearby plug socket, or something. Just put yourselves and us fans out of our collective misery.

So, in summary, you pack of repugnant, sputum-filled, invertebrate bástards; leave this club now and don’t you fúcking dare look back. You’ve consistently demonstrated less passion and desire than can commonly be found within the contents of a sloth’s scrótum, so frankly you can just all fúck off – don’t pass go, don’t collect your wages, don’t ever come back to this town again.

I look forward to you serving me at my local McDonald’s drive-thru in the near future.

Yours sincerely


A very disillusioned Mariner




I think this should actually be sent to them, as I think it sums up perfectly how each and every one of us feels.


Up The Mariners!
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Poojah
November 7, 2009, 11:21pm Report to Moderator

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Quoted from davmariner



I think this should actually be sent to them, as I think it sums up perfectly how each and every one of us feels.


It's already gone.


A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.
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